Module 3 - Chapter 11...

This chapter definitely starts out with a bang, talking about how to access your body's knowledge.  As Lissa says she spends most of her time in her head, thinking.  I know I do the same thing as is ultra evident from the fact that I'm not very physically active and that I often forget to do things like slow down, eat, and resist sleeping...
1.  How often do you notice the quality of your breathing?  Right now, are you aware if it's shallow, deep, relaxed, short, or choppy?  Take a deep breath and see.
Honestly I don't even notice it.  In fact I know for a fact from past experience that I often forget to breathe, particularly if I tense up or am concentrating too hard.  I know in turn this makes my body work harder and less efficiently.  I also know that breath (like water) is vital to the body.  When I take the time to actively focus on my breathing I know I tend to try to breathe deeply and evenly.
2.  How often do you consciously pause from what you are doing to take a few deep, full, relaxing breaths?
Never.
3.  How often do you scan your body to connect you with how you are really feeling?  For example, do you check to see if your belly is relaxed or if your shoulders are crunched, if your jaw and hands are relaxed, etc.?
I honestly don't notice much until it leads to discomfort, then it's an after thought and I realize that I must have been tense or slouching or something like that.  I am very ungrounded in the physical it seems.  I can also definitely say I ignore or "put off" many of my body's functions.  When I'm hungry, but working I often put off stopping or taking a break because "I just want to finish" and I know that stopping will make it take longer.  Sometimes I'll do this to the point where I tax myself and become overly tired or feel sick because I'm so hungry.  I do not make my body and how it feels a priority. :(
4.  When you feel an uncomfortable sensation, pain or emotion in your body, is your tendency to tune into it for a length of time and listen to what it may be telling you, or do you ignore or try to get ride of the feeling immediately?
I won't say I ignore it, but I may not notice something until it's a problem.  I know that at the point that I am noticing it there is no just making it go away so I usually sit with it a little bit realizing whatever may be the likely cause.  Like I have had a tooth hurting lately and I believe it's because I'm tensing my jaw without realizing it, putting too much pressure on that tooth (which isn't normal for the way one's jaw is supposed to sit).  I have yet to catch myself doing the tensing but I'm sure that's what it is.
5.  Would you say you have a body-friendly vocabulary, or do you say things like, "I could just kick myself for doing that," "That guy gives me a headache," or, "This job makes me sick and is a big pain in the neck"?  Might you say even harsher things like, "I hate my body"?  If you do, are you aware of when and how often you say them, or is it an unconscious habit?
I don't have a body-friendly vocabulary, but since I've moved away from certain things in my life it's "not as bad" as it used to be I think.  I try to focus more on the positive so I try to dwell less on anything unpleasant or if I express it I try to not do so repeatedly.  I don't really think about these words though when I use them.
6.  Are you aware of how congruent your words and body language are?  Do you notice when  your mouth is saying one thing and your body is communicating something completely different?  When y you're telling others how you're doing, do you stop to notice how you're actually feeling?  Do you act "fine" - or even cheerful - even when your stomach is nervous, your chest is tight, or your jaw is clenched?
Usually not, but I do tend to give people certain answers when I may want to be left alone or don't feel well to hurry them off because I do not wish to discuss with them whatever is bothering me.
7.  When you make big or even small decisions, do you take a moment to consult with how your body feels before you decide, or do you just use your mind?  Do you check in with what you're feeling in your gut or heart?
I can honestly say usually no.  But if I "get a bad feeling" about something I try to pay attention to it and if I proceed I do so cautiously.  Most of those feelings though are in my head not elsewhere, though I have gotten an upset tummy when I was emotionally concerned about the outcome of something (that resulted in a near friendship ending argument).  I also think that learning to tune in personally will help me to help others do this and be a better medical intuitive.
8.  On a scale of one to ten, how comfortable do you generally feel in your own skin?  How consciously connected are you to your body, its signals, posture, habits, and the messages that is broadcasts?
I really see most things as an afterthought and after that it's "too late" and I just kind of have to wait for it to subside.  But I know I'm very tense a lot of the time, constantly maintaining poor posture and while I try to remember to fix these things by relaxing and sitting properly - they're such long standing habits that it's much easier to forget to do what I need to do than to remember.
I think I have a very low to medium body quotient.  I'm not 100% oblivious to these things but I notice much of them after the fact when I can't correct the issue because it's too late and already happened.  I need to learn to pay better attention, especially as a healer.  While I don't need to be "perfect" it's a better idea for me to model what I would suggest to someone else.  It puts faith in what I'm saying and shows the benefits versus being hypocritical and not practicing what I preach.
I know I have one of Louise Hay's books, but I definitely want to get the one suggested if it's not what I have.  I find her connections between the emotions and the body very interesting.
I definitely want to include the concept of "having a conversation with your body" into my practice as well.
Playwork:  Take the Elevator Down
When I did this exercise I went through and for wants thought about everything I basically wanted in my life.  I want to be enriched and fulfilled, doing work I love and making money.  I want to heal and help other heal, I want to sell all of my art and works and make more and sell more and so on.
When I "felt" my body I noticed that I was calm, I was breathing evenly, and sitting with good posture.  I didn't feel any tightness or tension as I though about these things, I felt no nervousness or doubt or worry or pressure.  Just a quiet contentment and small inward smile at having these things.


As a friend commented today after we had a long talk (mostly me talking) I need to focus more on me.  Reflecting on what she said I admitted to her (and myself) that I rarely think about me.  While I'm an integral part of the equation I never bother with nurturing or working with myself.  I immediately rush to do everything for everyone and everything outside of myself.  Doing this drains me because I take nothing in and I never replenish myself or my stores of energy in any other way.  Because of this it becomes harder and harder to do anything and I become bitter, angry, and upset.  Eventually I crack, I have to "go away" and retreat because otherwise there'll be nothing left of me to give to anyone, including myself.
I think I need to be gentler with myself and my stores of energy.  And that I need to be more mindful of the stress and effort I'm putting out.  If I can't do something, or am not sure of the time I can do something in I need to learn to say no.  If I don't have the time or desire to do it - if I'm not "on fire" to do something and it really feels like a bother or a strain, I need to say no.  Should I deny bothering to help anyone else with anything?  I don't think so because I like to help others and I would want to be helped.  But I don't need to go needlessly out of my way all the time.  And I do need to take time to put forth as much effort for myself as for anyone else.
Secret Sauce Writing Exercises

• Let Your Body Write You a Letter...

Dear Alana,
I hurt.  I'm stressed and you're putting too much pressure on me.  You're holding onto things you need to release and you know it.  I came about when you were working in the beginning and I visit from time to time but always when you're overly stressed.  But you don't "sit with me" you just complain and lament that I came to visit and never take the time to understand WHY I dropped by.  Eventually I go away because you sort of get the point and you lay off a bit, but for the fact that I continue to "pop up" it's obvious that you haven't learned what you were supposed to yet.  I'm really one-sided too and that is also a sign that you need to be more balanced.  Taking a load off, being gentle with yourself, and acknowledging your limitations is not a flaw - it's healthy.  Embrace me, work to understand me, and realize that I will only go away when you learn what I'm trying to tell you and work on it.
Not so lovingly,Your left shoulder...
To be completely honest at first I thought that letter would be a little silly, but as I unfetteredly opened myself up to what it had to say I realized just how out of tune I am and how right that pain/discomfort is.

• Create your own radical self-care plan...

It's funny that this was brought up since I literally just drafted some of my thoughts (see bottom) about this.  While I'm not ready/able to start this self-care just yet having some ideas about it helps.


As Lissa mentions performing radical self-care can be hard when we go to try and manifest our dreams.  We get so caught up in trying to "do" that we forget to "be" and neglect our bodies and the messages they are trying to tell us.  I know this all too well for even now as we speak I am keeping myself up, even when I should have gone to bed 25 minutes ago.  Instead of honoring the limitation I set to get to bed at midnight I'm pushing past it.  In my case tonight though I'm not tired and in fact went to sleep several times during the day due to being upset and feeling on the desire to sleep.  I spent my waking time on the phone talking to girlfriends and my other half's mom venting and putting out there some of the things that are bothering me.
However, most other times when I'm tired or at least "should" go to bed I push past, I embrace my insomnia (and help make it worse) and do not honor myself.  I sit eating snacks and chugging soda (something I literally just did) ignoring the fact that if I'm really hungry I should try a healthier snack to nourish my body, maybe even take a break and relax while I do it.
Now I come to Lissa's suggestion of a radical self-care program.  The first thing says to get rid of refined sugar and "junk".  Honestly I balk at this.  I don't want to.  I am okay with eating it, and generally I don't eat that much of it.  In my pregnancy I've been naughty and indulged myself but usually I don't allow myself more than one soda can or glass a day.  When I need sweets I go for 100% juice or fruits and while I may have some "junky sweets" I usually limit myself to one a day with those as well.  Today not so much.  I've been self-soothing with junk because I'm upset and generally being a "lazy bug".  Another balking is not having the means to do a juice cleanse and wondering how it will affect my baby and milk production.  While I'm sure that junk isn't good for baby I don't know that abstaining from certain things without getting those nutrients elsewhere is a good thing.  So much so that I actually just messaged Lissa to ask her about it.  While I would like to cleanse my body - as I'm sure it's full of junk in general just from years of being poorly cared for - I'm not sure I'm ready to just "jump in" and I'd want to do so the "right" way versus without careful thought.
I'm very heartened as I continued to read and Lissa goes on to say that it's okay to not do it perfectly and that making one's own "radical self-care" goals is best.  While I would still like to start out with hers, it's to give me inspiration and gumption to make my own.  But some thoughts come to mind about what I'd like to include:

• Read something inspirational everyday (either right in the morning or before bed - but anytime works!)
• Refrain from negative attitudes and their expression (arguing, criticizing, nitpicking, etc.)  If you feel the undying urge to commit one of these things take a mental step back think about why, question whether it's worth it (realize it's not), and let it go.
• Make peace with being able to do what you can do in a day.  If it doesn't all get done everyday it's okay, there's time later.
• Exercise.  If it's just your morning yoga, so be it.  If you don't feel up to real movement at least stretch, and sit with your body releasing any tension or tightness.
• Drink water between meals.
• Take your vitamins.
• Only 1 soda/junk food a day (if that).
• Journal.
• Meditate - ideally morning and evening.
• Take a break - 15 minutes to 1 hour - to just be.  You can relax, sit quietly, read or do whatever.
• Spend time outside, weather permitting.

That's all I have for now, but I think I will definitely be altering parts of it and start with Lissa's suggestions.

Thinking carefully I've decided that while I don't wish to go vegetarian or vegan.  Taking some excess out of my diet and getting it back to where I would like it (limiting non-healthy snacks, sticking mostly to fruits when I want something sweet, and drinking more water) will be best for me and make me happy.  I've also decided that while I don't want to go full throttle, doing a cleanse at least once a year (maybe more depending on how I feel about it) would be great and would be something that I'd like to do for myself for my birthday.  (That makes the date far enough away to allow me to possibly gather together money to buy what I need to perform.)

Having laid down and eventually sleeping on it (but also stressing and being angry about some personal issues due to my other half being incognito from 10 pm to 2 am without any explanation of what, where, or why) I think that undergoing a cleanse wouldn't be a bad idea, even if I only do it periodically.  While this first run I think I'll do around/on my birthday (because I need time to get money to buy what I need and find some things) I might do it on the Equinoxes & Solstices from that point on depending on how I feel about the first "run".

Embracing my dreams one day at a time!