It's funny, how I look back at my "dreams" for my mid to late teens and how many of my choices seem to echo what Lissa has been through. Partially into high school I realized that while I "wanted" (eg was expected) to go to college after high school I didn't know what it was I wanted to do. I got approached, due to one of my class choices, to go to nursing school but I rebelled against that wildly saying I wanted more than that, I wanted to be a doctor or something. I can remember clearly that one day in class my teacher - a former nurse - said that I would have loved the health expo the class had gone to the day before, especially the pathologist, because I was so inquisitive. (I had missed it because I had track practice and needed to be there.) I idly looked up what a pathologist did and just like that decided that was what I wanted to be. I used to joke that that was the only thing I could do in healthcare because "I had a terrible bedside manner" (which isn't really true) and that "if you ended up on my table you were already dead, so I couldn't make mistakes". But mostly I think I chose that because it seemed to satisfy a curiosity I had and was "safe"...(the estimation of a six figure salary didn't hurt either). But one crucial thing in this life I was painting up in my head that I thought I would have was that there was no time for me to be me. I had no husband or children, I didn't consider time with friends or vacations or anything but work. I didn't realize that at the time, but I see now at 25...super pregnant...that I didn't make time for me.
What a ridiculous thing to do...
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